I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
