I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
