Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
