"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
