We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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