I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
