dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
