so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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