i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
