two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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