well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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