home. puking in laundry basket.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
