a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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