Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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