Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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