We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
