i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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