Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
