I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
