you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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