apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
