Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
