she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
