I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
