as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
