be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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