i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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