I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
