I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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