I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is wine microwaveable?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
