You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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