i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
