i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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