you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
