Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
