I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
