her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
