i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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