I'll bet she douches with gravy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
