And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
