Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
