So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
