the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
