If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i think my cat just said my name.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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