Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
