Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just had sex bonerless
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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