I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
