just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Small penises have feelings too.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
