YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
