How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
