R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
