I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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