I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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