I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
