i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
