Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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